The Republic of Ilham Aliyev is a massive, socially progressive nation, renowned for its compulsory military service, complete absence of social welfare, and spontaneously combusting cars. The hard-nosed, hard-working, cynical, devout population of 3.958 billion Ilham Aliyevians are rabid consumers, partly through choice and partly because the government tells them to and dissenters tend to vanish from their homes at night.

The tiny, pro-business, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Spirituality, and Law & Order. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 6.9%.

The strong Ilham Aliyevian economy, worth 211 trillion bitcoins a year, is driven almost entirely by the private sector, which is broadly diversified and led by the Furniture Restoration industry, with major contributions from Arms Manufacturing, Beef-Based Agriculture, and Cheese Exports. Average income is 53,521 bitcoins, but there is a vast disparity between incomes, with the richest 10% of citizens earning 344,952 per year while the poor average 3,355, a ratio of 102 to 1.

Crime is a serious problem, with the police force struggling against a lack of funding and a high mortality rate. Ilham Aliyev's national animal is the crocodile, which can occasionally be seen avoiding garbage in the nation's murky oceans.

Ilham Aliyev is ranked 259,444^th in the world and 9,414^th in Lazarus for Safest, scoring 13.51 on the Bubble-Rapp Safety Rating.